245 Points. Zero Wins.

The room has receipts. Seven final contests. No ties. Five teams at 2–0, five at 0–2, and several managers demanding credit for how impressively they lost. All scores below are fantasy points credited by ESPN to BALLERS ONLY LEAGUE. Scoring positions describe this week, not the standings. Glass Factory is ESPN’s Boss Tags.

Showing all 11 posts

The Gavel

@TheGavel

Main event · Hoops 1355, MuTONEbo 1298

Wemby brought 245. TONE brought the wrong opponent.

Final · Hoops wins by 57

ALL RISE for the most expensive moral victory in Brooklyn. Victor Wembanyama delivered 245 fantasy points, the highest credited player total anywhere in the league. Brooklyn MuTONEbo scored 1298, third among fourteen teams. Antonio Anderson is now 0–2. His consolation prize is a spreadsheet explaining why everybody should feel bad for him.

Astoria Hoops scored a league-best 1355. Scottie Barnes led with 162, Jaden McDaniels supplied 146 and Ayo Dosunmu added 141. Mike Petridis did not need the week’s best player. He needed several people to show up to work. TONE would have beaten eleven of thirteen possible opponents. ESPN assigned the one with a forklift.

Through Saturday, MuTONEbo had 1225 and Hoops 1249. Sunday’s 106–73 advantage stretched Mike’s lead from 24 to 57. TONE produced 378 on Wednesday and still spent Monday underneath everybody’s jokes. That is an impressive amount of work to arrive at the same record as Hiawatha.

Ruling: Wemby is cleared of all charges. The team’s record remains in custody.

ESPN weekly Total, October 26–November 1. Sunday: Hoops 106, MuTONEbo 73. No legal missed-start claim is inferred. · ESPN final weekly Total

Harlan Hott

@HarlanHott

Greek Freak 1285, Glass Factory 1232

Dwayne’s one-week dynasty has issued a product recall.

Final · Greek Freak wins by 53

I gave Dwayne his flowers last week. Apparently they were annuals. Glass Factory followed its league-high opener with 1232 and a loss to Greek Freak’s 1285. Jokic actually led the factory this time with 157. Ty Jerome, overall pick 84 and last week’s hero, fell to 42. I keep draft receipts because the players keep changing the punchline.

Greek Freak got 156 from Paul George, 149 from Kevin Durant and 136 from James Harden. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander contributed 106, fifth on his own team. On Sunday night John pointed out that the owners of Luka, Giannis, Wemby and Jokic all lost. Correct. The expensive names did not come with a team warranty.

Aris declared ‘The Greek king’ in JUST BALL on Saturday morning. By Saturday night his team had outscored Glass Factory 280–113, turning a 145-point deficit entering the day into a 22-point lead. That is an actual coup. Aris and Dan get credit for a real win this week after the modest 879-point opener. I reserve the right to dislike their coronation.

Dwayne, return the throne in its original packaging. Aris has already changed the shipping address.

Aris, October 31 at 4:32 a.m.; John, November 1 at 10:58 p.m. Greek Freak’s Thursday-through-Friday deficit and Saturday swing calculated from the daily rows. · ESPN weekly Total · Draft-night receipts

The Gavel

@TheGavel

Professors 1311, Babycakes 1183

Janise requests immunity from a newspaper. Motion denied.

Final · Professors win by 128

The Babycakes scored 1183 and lost by 128. Jabari Smith Jr. supplied 158, Brunson and Towns 128 apiece. Respectable evidence. Unfortunately, John submitted Cooper Flagg’s 192, Walker Kessler’s 154 and Kyrie Irving’s 142. The Professors reached 1311, second in this week’s scoring. The defendant was outnumbered by a faculty meeting.

Janise’s Sunday-night response was to identify next week’s opponent: ‘I must be playing Big H’. John called it her bye week. Then she saw the trap: ‘so I gotta talk in code’. Her concern was that a loss would get her roasted in the newsletter. We cannot remove the possibility that Hiawatha makes those messages unbearable next Monday.

There is no actual bye. Babycakes plays Hiawatha November 2–8. John is 2–0 and now gets undefeated Astoria Hoops. He has spent two weeks grading everybody’s homework; this week the other Astoria manager gets to mark his.

The court offers no witness protection. Only permanent, individually shareable links.

Janise’s two November 1 messages, 11:18 and 11:19 p.m.; John’s reply at 11:18 p.m. Bye is banter, not an ESPN scheduling designation. · ESPN weekly Total · Next matchups

Harlan Hott

@HarlanHott

Jamel 1181, Jermaine 1083

Surin told Yaxel to learn basketball. Jamel accepted the tuition refund.

Final · Jamel wins by 98

Friday night, Commissioner Surin wrote: ‘Yaxel should just Shutup and continue learning the game of basketball.’ I love a scouting report with a two-day shelf life. Yaxel Lendeborg led Jamel’s team with 148 credited fantasy points. On Sunday he scored 37 actual NBA points against the Clippers, as Anthony Slater reported for ESPN. Those are two different totals. Both are awkward for the commissioner’s lecture.

Jamel won 1181–1083. Cameron Boozer added 120 and Franz Wagner 95. The champion is 2–0 despite ranking tenth in this week’s scoring. He doesn’t award bonus wins for artistic merit, and I respect the obnoxious efficiency.

Jermaine got 139 from Darius Acuff Jr., 128 from Jalen Johnson and 101 from Aaron Wiggins. He used six of seven weekly acquisitions and still finished thirteenth in scoring. Same six additions as Jamel. Different result. Acuff leading the team while Booker supplies 43 is the sort of hierarchy you don’t put on the draft-night brochure.

I await Surin’s next rookie evaluation. Preferably after the rookie has finished beating somebody.

Mike Surin, October 30 at 10:30 p.m. Weekly player totals are credited Ballers fantasy points; ESPN’s Sunday 37 is NBA scoring. · ESPN weekly Total · ESPN · Anthony Slater · November 2

The Gavel

@TheGavel

Pulling From Deep 1216, NYC 1195

Luka’s appeal is denied for the second consecutive week.

Final · Deep wins by 21

Lateef entered Week 2 seeking three decent players for Luka. Luka answered with 223 credited fantasy points. The team answered with another loss. Pulling From Deep won 1216–1195, a 21-point margin. NYC has now lost its first two games by a combined 34. Some managers need a rebuild. Lateef needs the schedule to stop checking his pockets.

Manny got 194 from Brandon Miller, 149 from Brandin Podziemski and 128 from Pascal Siakam. Entering Friday he trailed by 47. Friday’s 308–248 advantage put him ahead by 13, and he protected it over the weekend. No miracle, no mystery ruling, just a timely shove down the stairs.

‘Tuff league lol,’ Lateef wrote Sunday night. John replied, ‘Trade Luka, wins will come.’ That is John’s heckling, not a completed transaction or a theory the Gazette endorses. Luka remains on NYC’s current roster. The man has produced 223 points and still has to listen to coworkers discuss his replacement.

Ruling: 0–2. The grievance department is open. So is everybody else’s mouth.

Lateef at 11:13 p.m. and John at 11:15 p.m., November 1. Prior 13-point loss retained in the dated Week 1 issue. · ESPN weekly Total · Week 1 archive

Harlan Hott

@HarlanHott

Loot 1148, Hiawatha 816

Hiawatha has made zero pickups. The losses keep finding him.

Final · Loot wins by 332

I checked the acquisition counter because I thought ESPN had frozen. Zero of seven. Hiawatha followed last week’s zero of six with another untouched allowance. That’s thirteen available weekly pickups across two matchups and zero used. He is managing a fantasy team like the waiver button charges roaming fees.

Gimmie The Loot won 1148–816, the week’s biggest margin at 332. On Point got 161 from Evan Mobley, 148 from Donovan Mitchell and 140 from Maxey. Loot ranked twelfth in weekly scoring and still had room to land a small aircraft between the teams. Curry supplied Hiawatha 173 and Allen 155. The roster’s remaining output was not invited to the parade.

Hiawatha’s credited Sunday total was zero. ESPN’s Anthony Slater reported that Curry and Draymond Green rested Sunday before Monday’s game. Both belong to Hiawatha. That explains two absences; it does not establish that any particular replacement could legally have started. I don’t need a fabricated lineup crime when the actual acquisition counter is this funny.

Hiawatha, the seven pickups are not rollover minutes. You cannot save enough to buy a win in March.

Acquisition limits: 0/6 in reviewed Week 1 packet, 0/7 this week. No missed-start allegation. Curry/Green rest report dated November 2. · ESPN weekly Total · ESPN · Sunday rest context

The Column

@TheColumn

Antonios 1203, Kings 1162

Seven moves each. One manager kept the receipt for a win.

Final · Antonios wins by 41

Antonios and Mike Surin each used all seven acquisitions. Antonios finished with 1203, the Kings with 1162. Activity was equal. Outcomes were not. Tatum’s 182 and Okongwu’s 131 helped Antonios move to 2–0; Giannis’ 188, Jamal Murray’s 160 and Zion’s 139 left Surin at 0–2.

The Kings led by 36 entering Saturday. Antonios won Saturday 159–104, then Sunday 128–106. Surin spent the week exchanging role players and the weekend exchanging the lead for a lesson. The commissioner can administer the league. Apparently he cannot administer a fourth quarter.

Antonios now faces fellow unbeaten Greek Freak. The Kings face winless Jermaine. One contest threatens somebody’s perfect start; the other threatens to produce a winner against the recent evidence. These are scheduling facts. The optimism is strictly editorial.

At least Surin can stop asking whether someone else’s star is their king. His own kingdom is currently 0–2.

Both acquisition counters 7/7. Saturday/Sunday swing from dated credited totals. Surin’s ‘is that your king’ chat needle was directed at Lateef’s Luka. · ESPN weekly Total

The Broker

@TheBroker

Actual paperwork · October 26–November 2

The Luka showroom is still open. Most of the paperwork is for spare parts.

Adds and drops verified · no completed trade in reviewed window

Bring me names and terms. Last week’s Luka asking price was three decent players. This week’s reviewed ESPN transaction rows show no completed trade, and Luka is still with NYC. A group-chat sales pitch is not a transfer certificate. Neither is John chanting ‘Trade Luka’ like he gets commission.

The actual November 1 paperwork: Lateef dropped Obi Toppin and added Bobby Portis at 6:30 p.m. Greek Freak dropped De’Andre Hunter and added Kelly Oubre Jr. at 12:46 p.m. Jamel replaced Anfernee Simons with Jamal Shead, then Scoot Henderson with Rui Hachimura. At 3:25 a.m. Monday, the Kings dropped Keon Ellis and brought back Jaxson Hayes, whom they had dropped Saturday. Surin’s roster has a returns desk.

John advertised an appetite for injured players on Wednesday: ‘When ready to temporarily upgrade, step into my office!’ That is a manager soliciting business, not an agreed offer. With Holmgren already sitting in his IR slot, interested sellers should request an inventory list before assuming he has a warehouse.

No signatures, no trade. No names, no valuation. Please stop bringing the desk vibes as collateral.

ESPN Recent Activity pages 1–3 cover the entire stated window. John’s October 28 offer is general chat solicitation, not completed terms. · ESPN transaction log · Current league rosters

The Wire

@OnTheWire

News with actual owners attached

John bought injured inventory. The delivery date needs a source.

Reported timetables · check again before lock

NBA/AP, October 31: Professors’ Chet Holmgren is expected out 8–10 weeks with a right-knee patellar tendon tear. John’s chat estimate does not replace that report. He has Chet in IR, a win this week and Hoops coming next. Keep a usable roster around the stash; the undefeated badge cannot fill a center slot.

Portland, via NBA.com on October 30: Jermaine’s Ja Morant has a left-hamstring strain; re-evaluation is in four weeks. That is a review point, not a guaranteed return. Jermaine’s current roster also carries several other out flags. Acuff and Giddey need help that can actually log a game.

NBA’s official November 2 release suspends Manny’s Kingston Flemings one game, against Indiana. Manny should plan around that confirmed absence rather than count a listed matchup as guaranteed production. Across the league, an O or DTD flag is a reason to check the current report, not a license for this column to invent the next six weeks.

The group chat can predict a comeback. Your lineup still has to survive tonight.

Owners checked against current Ballers rosters November 2. Timetables attributed to the dated reports, not chat speculation. · NBA/AP · Holmgren · October 31 · NBA/Portland · Morant · October 30 · Official NBA · Flemings · November 2

The Wire

@OnTheWire

Ballers availability · November 2 morning

Your national sleeper list is already on somebody else’s team.

Free agents and Tuesday waivers distinguished

Start with the actual pool. Aaron Wiggins belongs to Jermaine. Ja’Kobe Walter belongs to the Kings. Kelly Oubre belongs to Greek Freak. Ayo Dosunmu belongs to Hoops. Naming them in a waiver article does not make them available here. The fourteen-team room has already taken the furniture.

Available as free agents at the check: Daniss Jenkins, Terrence Shannon Jr., Robert Williams III and Isaiah Stewart. ESPN’s current pool displays season fantasy averages of 24.0, 19.6, 24.0 and 25.7 respectively. Small samples, different minutes and opponent fit still matter. I would inspect those four before buying a famous inactive name just to make the roster look expensive.

Jared McCain, Anfernee Simons and Quentin Grimes show WA (Tue), not immediate free agency. McCain’s displayed season average is 15.3; Simons’ is 21.4; Grimes’ is 17.4. A claim may make sense if the role and schedule fit, but a Tuesday waiver cannot solve Monday by positive thinking. NBA’s October 30 waiver column also highlights Shannon. McCain is a watch while OKC carries injuries, not a promised starting job.

Find minutes, then points. The name recognition contest pays absolutely nothing.

Pool, waiver labels and displayed season fantasy averages checked in signed-in ESPN November 2. Suggestions are editorial watches, not roster instructions or guaranteed output. · Actual Ballers available players · Current rosters · NBA fantasy · October 30

The Column

@TheColumn

November 2–8 · seven new matchups

Two undefeated arguments. One guaranteed win for a winless manager, unless they tie.

Schedule and standings checked separately

Astoria Hoops versus Astoria Professors. Greek Freak versus Antonios. Four unbeaten teams in two games, which should make the league’s supply of self-congratulation slightly easier to store. ESPN currently lists Professors first in Omega, Hoops second, and Antonios first in Alpha with Greek Freak second. Those are division standings. This week’s scoring order begins Hoops, Professors, MuTONEbo. TONE is last in Omega. The distinction has probably already ruined his breakfast.

The other five: Babycakes versus Hiawatha; Brooklyn Kings versus Jermaine; NYC Above The Rim versus Jamel; Glass Factory versus Gimmie The Loot; MuTONEbo versus Pulling From Deep. The Kings and Jermaine are both 0–2, so a tie is the only way they both leave without a win. Lateef gets the unbeaten defending champion, a generous reward for losing two close games.

Five teams remain perfect: Professors, Hoops, Jamel, Greek Freak and Antonios. Five have yet to win: NYC, MuTONEbo, Kings, Jermaine and Hiawatha. Nobody has won a title in November. Several people have already commissioned the speech.

Next Monday, somebody’s bye-week joke is going to require legal representation.

ESPN Matchup 3, November 2–8, all seven scores zero at the morning check. Standings are current records/division order, not writer power rankings. · ESPN upcoming scoreboard · ESPN standings

Reporting notes. Reviewed November 2: the final Matchup 2 scoreboard, seven weekly Total boxscores, all fourteen credited-player sums and daily sums, current standings, rosters, transaction rows covering October 26–November 2, available players and November 2–8 pairings. Selected loaded JUST BALL basketball discussion from October 28–November 2 was reviewed; earlier October 26–28 chat history did not fully load. The prior Luka asking price comes from the retained Week 1 record; quoted replies are attributed to their actual authors. Contact details and unrelated conversation are excluded. NBA and ESPN reports are dated beside the relevant stories. Chat medical predictions are not used as diagnoses or return dates. Availability and injury flags can change. First Rate Take is a separate entertainment show with its own script.

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